If you have not paid all your child support payments though the years, then you will still owe until you pay all back errages. Even if you made an agreement with your ex if sh would have thechild support wired off you would give her some of your 401K. it does not work that way. Once a child support order is enforce though the court the only one that can change or stop the support order i the court. Your ex can hae a lien put on any 401K, garnish your wages, take any tax refunds you may have coming, and if the child support services are saying your owe $85,000 I am surprized that you are not in jail. Had you though the years filed a motion to ask the court to lower your child support when you were not employed, or if you had pay cut then this could of bee prevented to some extent. You can consult with an attorney and see what can be done, but even if your ex wanted to wipe this off she may not be able to because of the large amount. If you have any documentation ofany payments that you have made her for child support you can contact the child support services and see if they will except those receipts as payments toward child support.