Yes, assuming you can take the money out at all. You will need to check with the plan administrator to be sure this is permissible. It may depend on whether your ex is still employed and your ages.

If you can take the distribution and you are not yet 59.5 years old, expect the investment company to withhold 20% of the amount for taxes and send you a tax form at the end of the year that you will need to do your taxes. At that time, you will have to pay (as part of your reduced tax refund or increased tax payment) the difference between that 20% and your personal tax rate plus a 10% excise tax.

The bottom line is your distribution would likely be for 80% of your balance and you will get hit for at least another 10% at tax return time.

Yes, if you choose to take a distribution you will take the tax hit if you don't have a direct rollover into your own retirement plan via a QDRO. You won't have to pay the 10% penalty if the QDRO is properly done, but you will owe federal and any state income taxes on it. Don't assume what's withheld will be enough. You may want to speak with a tax professional to be sure you don't spend what you may owe in taxes at the end of the year.

You'd have done better to demand a cash payout from him for your equity in the marital home, or force the sale of it. Any capital gains of the sale of your personal residence, up to 250,000 per couple, would be tax free.

Good luck.